Who are you?
Kierkegaard writes somewhere of the modern mode of despair in which the individual does not realize his despair. Summer time sometimes seems like that to me.
For years now during the summer break I've had the same experience. I don't know what to do with myself and fall into a state of funk. I attempt to see seek to create certain structures, habits and routines which will give me a sense of purpose.
When I am in the midst of teaching during the academic year the idea of "too much time available" sounds like wonderful impossibility. Yet there is a kind of bottoming out that happens as the "hyperdrive" shuts down and suddenly one is free-floating in a void of sorts. Vertigo.
The little I've read about Peter Sellers life suggest that. He had the same experience as an actor as a person. Or should I say persona versus person? When he was in character, when he was in a role, he was "a self" but not himself. When he was not pretending to be someone else (as all actors do), he was disgusted with himself.
Acting Versus Self-Knowledge
In the film Patton we encounter a bit of dialogue where the general is approached by his aide after haranguing his staff. He tells the general that sometimes, they don't know when he's joking or serious. Patton replies that it's not important that they know, but that he know the difference.
AIDE: General, I don't think they know when you're acting and when you're serious.
PATTON: it's not important but they know it's only important that I know.
There is a bit of the actor in every teacher. The classroom is a kind of stage.
Some actors and some teachers are surely saints. Why not us?
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